I Suck and it's My Fault

I originally titled this post "Running Sucks and I'm Not Good at it Anymore". I added a frowny face emoticon :( to really drive home the despair angle, and then lamented over a half dozen paragraphs about how I used to be able to just pop into shape like my legs were fueled by an unlimited supply of unicorn tears and sparkles. Whoa is me and other self entitled bullshit about what I'd done in the past, and why it sucks that now that I've become old and out of shape. But in writing the post I realized fuck that and fuck me. I keep expecting that if I plod around long enough doing 8 minute miles, I'll eventually reach this epiphany where I'm back in the sub 7s - but that's not how it works. That's never been how it worked. Even back when it kind of worked like that it really didn't. When I was running fast I got fast by running fast. Always. Every run was close to tempo pace because doing that made me better at being able to do that. Now I find myself feeling fulfilled to just get the run in. I convince myself that I'm saving real exertion for a speed workout or a long run but that's bullshit. I cut runs short. I look for water breaks and places to slow down. I'VE BECOME A JOGGER! I hate joggers, so I currently hate me and my 8:48 pace long runs. But therein lies the beauty of the run. It's a new day, new run, new opportunity to get better. But not going to do it posting... As Will Sanchez would say, "Gotta run."