I'm still in the office staring at the same assignment I've been trying to work on all day. I've got nothing. I can't squeeze out a coherent sentence at this point. I have no idea what happened because I was flowing effortlessly on the RunBoston09 blog last week - now I'm just sitting here struggling over lower cases and capitals.
But I figured maybe a run could shake lose some thoughts. We'll find out soon enough, but regardless I did learn something about myself tonight - if I ran Brooklyn tomorrow I'd be F-ed in the A. I have no idea why I'd expect anything different. I'm not well trained at all right now. My speed is as down as it's been in years. I've done two runs over 8 miles in the last month. I haven't thrown down a 30 mile week in - well, last week I dropped one but that's only because I was turning two a days and threw in a 13 miler.
The real take away from tonight is that I need to go back to the way I need to train - fast and hard. You're not going to throw down 6:20s training at 8 minute pace. I need to go out and push more often, if not for the physical implications at least for the mental. I need to relearn how to run fast, and start remembering what it feels like to push past preconceived limits. To dig a little deeper. To silence the voice telling me that I need to slow down.
Nike+ read 6.5 at 6:30 pace but I mapped it out and it was probably closer to 6.8 which would put my pace around 6:15. If I could hold that I'd clock a 1:21 half and be smooth as butter, but there was no way I'd have held that for another 6 and change. F that. Not even close. I essentially have five weeks to kick my ass into better shape.
I have no intentions to be checking my watch counting seconds on 5/30. I don't want this to be close. I want this to be comfortable. I want it to be easy. I want to decide half way out that it's time to drop the hammer and gun to go sub 1:20. Way out of reach at this point but that's the mindset I have.
I'm going to go longer on long days than I ever have, I'm going to do some legit speed work, I'm going to run my tempos hard, and I'm going to try to get a little better every week. There's no turning back. Not anymore. It's no or never. Go time. I'm ready for it.